Why are people needlessly offensive?
I've more than once read a book that would've be very good, except that the author just couldn't help himself. He just had to be offensive toward [insert group here]. The offensive line often had nothing to do with the rest of the book; it added nothing, and it made no sense in universe. He just wanted to be nasty toward [insert group here], and didn't bother with the self-control or the self-reflection to see that all he'd be doing was insulting his own readership and thus lowering his own sales. There is zero possibility that he'd be convincing anyone of his opinion with a throwaway line of slander.
I may have discussed that in an earlier post in more detail. What actually brought it to mind here was a conversation I recently had with a customer. Because my current day job is at least partly customer service, I spend large chunks of my day being Charming and Polite Because You Are [for these 30 seconds] the Most Interesting Person in the World to Me.
This sounds exaggerated and sarcastic, but it mostly isn't. I like interacting with customers, chatting with them and learning new things; it certainly makes the day go faster. And sure, there are always those rude people who spend the whole time looking at their phones and avoiding eye contact, but since they apparently don't see me as human, who cares? Most people are absolutely lovely.
Now, this past Friday, a customer who is friendly and likeable came up to me and started up a conversation which led to me mentioning I write books. As often happens when I say this, he immediately began telling me all about the book he was writing. After the initial explanation of his premise, he paused and said maybe he shouldn't tell me the next part, because some people found it offensive.
"In that case," I said, "please don't tell me. I would not like to think less of you."
Well, he said, maybe he would tell me. He wanted to tell me.
"Please don't," I said. "I'd be sad if it were offensive."
But he had the bit between his teeth and a captive audience, and so he told me. And having listened to the idea he was excited about, my reaction was . . .
Yes, that is offensive, and now I think less of you. You should have kept your mouth shut like I asked you to.
See, people seem to think that because I am polite and can't leave, I must agree with them and want to hear their opinions on inflammatory subjects. I have more than once had to flatly tell customers I won't discuss politics with them, and they still continue on to state their full opinion on [inflammatory subject]. And it's not that I necessarily agree or disagree with them; both have happened. But this is my job, I am stuck talking to you, and I am not willing to discuss politics with you, so please stop. Stop when I ask you to stop. Why won't you stop? You aren't going to convince me into anything, but you'll definitely make me like you less because you are a) abusing the nature of our customer-service relationship and b) not respecting my request to not discuss these topics.
As for this customer with the offensive story idea . . . why did you think I wouldn't find that offensive? Because I am always friendly and polite to you, when I have no other option? I liked and respected you before. Now, I shall never again be able to interact with you without remembering the way you're writing about [subject unworthy to be repeated]. By failing to restrain your indulgence, you have hurt yourself and your relationships.
And it was all so unnecessary.
