My new book of short stories, The Day the Exclamation Marks Came and Other Stories and Poems, is now out in paperback! In celebration, and because the titular story is quite short, I've decided to share it will you here. This story won the 2012 Frank Muir award for humor.
Enjoy!
The Day the Exclamation Marks Came
D.J. Natelson
The day the exclamation marks came began like any other. I was out in the garden, weeding my Singing Daffodils—
Sunlight. Soil. Water.
Us.
We’re pretty. Very pretty.
—vain little flora that they are, when
something hit my head. I thought it was
a raindrop at first, and felt my hair for wetness. My fingers touched something small and hard. I drew it away and examined it. It was a tiny black exclamation mark.
“What?!” I exclaimed. I had only meant to ask the question, but the
little exclamation mark had leapt from my hand and onto the end of the
word. “Huh,” I said, and went back to
gardening. Before long, however, more
exclamation marks began to fall, splashing over my head and back, boring holes
into my beautiful garden. “You stop
that!!” I ordered them, two exclamation marks jumping onto my words. “You’ll hurt my daffodils!!”
My worries were
unfounded; as soon as the exclamation marks hit the dirt, they burrowed into it
and were gone.
I sighed. There was nothing for it; I might as well go
back to gardening.
After about two
hours, during which it steadily rained exclamation marks, I stood and dusted
off my hands and knees. The Singing
Daffodils were weeded and looked healthy.
I sang them a brief exclamatory ditty, returned to the house, and turned
on the news.
“In an
unprecedented event, exclamation marks have been dropping from the sky since
eight o’clock this morning! Let’s see
what our weatherman has to say!!”
“Thank you,
Jim! It looks like exclamation marks
have been falling all over the city!!!
Meteorologists are still trying to pinpoint their origin!!! Some claim the exclamation marks may be
extraterrestrial!!!!”
I switched
channels. A politician was making a
speech: “The massive influx of exclamation marks into our economy can only be
beneficial!!!”
Well, that was good
to know. I turned off the television and
went to take a shower.
Wherever they came
from, it seems the exclamation marks are here to stay. Despite myself, I have to agree with the politician:
they seem to be a good thing. The
Singing Daffodils certainly like them:
Sunlight! Soil! Water!
Us!
We’re pretty!! Very pretty!!
As for the
exclamation marks which buried themselves in my garden, they’re flourishing
nicely. Better yet, they help keep the
weeds away. I can hardly wait until
autumn, when they’re fully grown. I
shall have to harvest plenty of seeds for next year.
