The Day the Exclamation Marks Came

My new book of short stories, The Day the Exclamation Marks Came and Other Stories and Poems, is now out in paperback!  In celebration, and because the titular story is quite short, I've decided to share it will you here.  This story won the 2012 Frank Muir award for humor.

Enjoy!

The Day the Exclamation Marks Came

D.J. Natelson

The day the exclamation marks came began like any other.  I was out in the garden, weeding my Singing Daffodils—

Sunlight.  Soil.  Water.  Us.

We’re pretty.  Very pretty.

—vain little flora that they are, when something hit my head.  I thought it was a raindrop at first, and felt my hair for wetness.  My fingers touched something small and hard.  I drew it away and examined it.  It was a tiny black exclamation mark.

“What?!” I exclaimed.  I had only meant to ask the question, but the little exclamation mark had leapt from my hand and onto the end of the word.  “Huh,” I said, and went back to gardening.  Before long, however, more exclamation marks began to fall, splashing over my head and back, boring holes into my beautiful garden.  “You stop that!!” I ordered them, two exclamation marks jumping onto my words.  “You’ll hurt my daffodils!!”

My worries were unfounded; as soon as the exclamation marks hit the dirt, they burrowed into it and were gone.

I sighed.  There was nothing for it; I might as well go back to gardening.

After about two hours, during which it steadily rained exclamation marks, I stood and dusted off my hands and knees.  The Singing Daffodils were weeded and looked healthy.  I sang them a brief exclamatory ditty, returned to the house, and turned on the news.

“In an unprecedented event, exclamation marks have been dropping from the sky since eight o’clock this morning!  Let’s see what our weatherman has to say!!”

“Thank you, Jim!  It looks like exclamation marks have been falling all over the city!!!  Meteorologists are still trying to pinpoint their origin!!!  Some claim the exclamation marks may be extraterrestrial!!!!”

I switched channels.  A politician was making a speech: “The massive influx of exclamation marks into our economy can only be beneficial!!!”

Well, that was good to know.  I turned off the television and went to take a shower.

Wherever they came from, it seems the exclamation marks are here to stay.  Despite myself, I have to agree with the politician: they seem to be a good thing.  The Singing Daffodils certainly like them:

Sunlight!  Soil!  Water!  Us!

     We’re pretty!!  Very pretty!!

As for the exclamation marks which buried themselves in my garden, they’re flourishing nicely.  Better yet, they help keep the weeds away.  I can hardly wait until autumn, when they’re fully grown.  I shall have to harvest plenty of seeds for next year.